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Unkle Munky Pg 95
Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions. *Munky is also available here... ---- This week Munky has a thing for The Ting Tings... Artist - The Ting Tings. Song - That's Not my Name. *Click here to play... *Videos prone to removal. ---- Homework Corner. Jason from sidcup asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I am currently doing my math’s homework but cannot solve the following problem. Can you help? Q. Alan buys a Pineapple & Ham topped pizza for £4.99. His sister eats one third and his dad eats the remainder. How much money is Alan owed from - A. His sister? B. His father? Unkle Munky says -''' Dear Jason, It would appear to me that money cannot begin to compensate for the greed and selfishness displayed by Alan’s family on this occasion. A sincere apology might be a good place to start with regards to this despicable act. Jason replies - What the fuc…? ---- Advertisement. ---- Chav Query. Jenny from Redditch asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I recently ran over a chav whilst on my driving test. I feel terrible. What can I do? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Jenny, You are bound to feel a little disappointed after failing your driving test. This is a normal reaction and one that you should not unduly concern yourself with. Jenny replies - But what about the chav!? He is in a terrible state. 'Unkle Munky says -' Yes, I do agree that some form of concession should have been given on this occasion. After all, clearing the streets of chavs is surely a good thing? Jenny sighs - I give up. * A typical Chav. ---- Man on a Hill. ---- Tom from Selby asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I make my living by painting prosthetic legs for wealthy businessmen. Trade is very slack at the moment and I am worried that I will not be able to meet the next payment on my mortgage. What can I do? 'Unkle Munky says -' The prosthetic leg rendering business is notoriously competitive. I would suggest, on this occasion, that you widen your horizons by offering similar rendering services to mannequins. They are, after all, one hundred percent prosthetic. ''Pathetic!'' 'Unkle Munky adds -' No, Mary! Prosthetic! ---- Bungle's Barely News... ---- Inadequate Policing in Runcorn. Becky from Runcorn asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my letter regarding inadequate policing in the Runcorn area? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Becky, I did indeed receive said correspondence. Preliminary investigations lead me to believe that both Starsky & Hutch are not, nor have they ever been, responsible for the enforcing of laws in the Runcorn area. Your letter regarding the disappearance of your novelty umbrella has therefore been forwarded to Miss Marple. I trust that this meets with your approval. Good day. Becky replies - Miss fuckin’ Marple!? Oh balls to it! I may as well just buy a new one! ---- Colour Blindness Counsel. Denise from Ashby De La Zouch asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I have recently had my colour-blindness officially diagnosed. With this in mind I was wondering if I might be entitled to a free guide dog from the NHS? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Denise, I can confirm that you are indeed entitled to a free guide dog. I have contacted the relitive authorities and am pleased to announce that Cindy the poodle will be with you shortly. Denise replies - Wow, that’s great! Blue is my favourite colour too! Thanks Munky. ---- Bungle's Barely News. ---- ---- Haley from Cumbria asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my letter regarding novel approaches to alternative power? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Haley, I did indeed receive the despicable correspondence of which you speak. Threatening your boyfriend’s mobility, and subsequently putting his life at risk, so that you can power your portable television from the battery on his electric wheelchair is little short of disgraceful! I suspect that you are not motivated by the delicate ecological balance of our precious planet, but rather by your own selfish ends! Good day! “Reverse ya bugger, reverse!” ---- More from Bungle Bear... ---- Sceptics UK. Ian from Maerdy asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I belong to a club called ‘Sceptics UK’. My mate says that they are holding a meeting tonight at my local village hall. Is this true? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Ian, It would appear that the organisers of ‘Sceptics UK’ are remaining true to their name. I can confirm that there will not be a meeting in the Welsh town of Maerdy tonight. Sceptics who may have bought tickets are advised to be more suspicion next time round. *Sceptics UK meet to talk about umbrella sales. ---- Ref. Becky’s Umbrella. Talking of Umbrellas, do we have any news on Miss Marple’s investigation, Mary? ''Ms. Motion Sickness replies - I contacted Miss Marple yesterday, Unkle Munky. She says that her investigation regarding the missing novelty umbella has hit a brick wall. I suspect foul play though. I swear I saw her in town this morning with said item.''' '''Unkle Munky adds -' What a bitch! ---- Unkle Munky is also available here... ---- Next... Previous... Munky's Memos... Return to Munky Menu...